Sep 15, 2006


I need help on this one's ending mostly... there are too many words and it doesn't give the right feel... any sujestions?

Once upon a time there was a little girl. She wanted more than anything to be great. She would think sometimes of ways to be great. Like mowing the most lawns or being a world famous babysitter. She tried many things and learned lot of little bits about everything trying to figure out where she was great. But nothing ever seemed to work for very long. Like most of the dreams of youth these faded away and she got older. She married a kind good man who was very smart and they lived happily together. But every now and again she would feel the longing to be great. She would try this idea and that, but nothing ever seemed to work out. And she got older and had children they liked to learn so she taught them a little of this and a little of that. Some liked when she taught them about singing and some liked to build like their father. She loved helping and teaching them along side her husband. But every now and again she felt the need to be great. She tried to organize this event or tried to publish that story, but nothing ever seemed to work. She got older and her children moved away. Some went to schools and wrote great papers on how to solve world problems, some sang and brought joy to other’s hearts, some were mothers and fathers and showed a great example to their peers. She enjoyed going with her husband as he traveled and helped around the world. He taught many and helped solve problems with those who needed help so badly. But every now and again she felt the need to be great. She would try to expound this or explain how great another was, but nothing ever seemed to work. And so she grew older and lay in bed one night whispering words of love to her husband as she slipped from this life. She waited for him and thought of her life and how, though she had been surrounded by greatness she had never done anything great and she longed to try again but now it was too late. Soon her love joined her and together they went home to Heavenly Father. Tears filled her eyes as she entered His great presence and she felt that she had failed Him despite His great love and confidence in her. Then He embraced them and said “Well done thou good and faithful servants, because thou hast labored to bring to pass much goodness I shall give thee power to create greater things than have entered thine hearts.” And the little girl cried “There is no greatness within me.” And the Father took her in His arms and kissed her eyes that she could see. And she knew that this last and greatest was the greatness to which she had been born and everything she had learned upon the earth had only prepared her and others.


skinny minny said...

I totally missed this one the other day concentrating on Amy I didn't even scroll down to see if there was more! Silly me! I LOVE IT!Ending is fine. Something weird in the phrasing of the final sentences but the thought and idea are a perfect ending. Thought and idea are the same thing a little repetative on my part there :)
hugs, TISO

texasblu said...

First of all, great idea. I can see why you're repeating - break it up and make it into a poetic style - then your readers will accept the repetativness...

as for the ending, you've totally lost me, and I think you know it. You need to state what the last "great" thing it was that she did, OR state the obvious, being herselves and doing all those good things WERE great, she just didn't realize it, which is what I think you were going for anyway.

keep going - tweak it - it's good.