Jan 29, 2010

Disclaimer... this is not a true story :)

It may seem strange to you but when you grow up that way it never occurs to you to mention it. You just assume that’s how it is in every family.
Dad would come home from work kiss us all and then take the littlest one from mom. She would give him an extra long kiss and whisper “Till we meet again.” Turn and walk out the sliding glass door. At some point each of us children tried to go with her or repeated her words to Dad. He didn’t think it was very funny or amusing. Which should have struck us as odd since he thought everything we did was amusing.
Then we would play with Dad for hours until mom came back in laughing and hugging us all with such tender exuberant kisses that we often squirmed in her arms.
Like I said, it never seemed strange to us. But one night, when I hit my quiet aloof stage, I watched mom leave. There were five of us by then and I guess I can thank my little brothers for distracting dad so he didn’t notice that I wasn’t with them in the family room.
She didn’t look back she just walked through the glass door and out onto the patio. It occurred to me for the first time that there was no way off the patio. So I followed aware of the tumultuous noise coming from behind me. She bowed her head and took a step toward the far end. At first I wondered why she was moving so slowly. But then I realized that she was much smaller. With every step grew inches shorter till at last she stood at the edge of the railing only inches high in a small leafy green dress. She looked quickly around and then I saw two misty wings spread out and she flew away into the foliage that surrounded our house.
My mom was a fairy.

Jan 28, 2010

Learning to keep my hands off.

When I wasyoung my mother pinched my pimples. Now I wouldn’t say this was uncommon. But, like others I know I became obsessive comulsivve about popping the little mounds of evil. Not only do I feel the need to pinch my own but I can’t keep my hands off my husband’s zits either. This has caused problems in our marriage. Woops. But he’s forgiving.
Now my little girls have those little white bumps that look like pimples but are really immature glands and if you pinch them it can leave scarring as well as damage the gland permanently. So no pinching, right? Right.
What about scratching?
I caught myself scratching at the glands to help the process along. At the same time I realized how much I was trying to “fix” my husband’s faults and I couldn’t help noticing and trying to quickly correct my daughter’s developmental ‘delays’.
I’m pinching them… not their faces.
And we all know what happens. You this you get the head out but you cause more damage underneath. That gave me pause to think…What would it hurt to let things take care of themselves? What damage was a causing by constantly picking and pinching?
Like the real habit the metaphorical habit is taking time and conscious effort to overcome but I think it’s working. Awake
Now if only I could keep my finger nails off my own face.

Jan 23, 2010

Another one of my wierd ones....

Sunrise filled Amy’s eyes with a warm glow. She thought of oranges, oranges and bacon, oranges bacon and…
“Are you ever getting up?”
Amy groaned and rolled over. Why did the universe permit siblings?
“I’m going to pee on you.” Especially younger brothers.
“Eww! Get away!”
“Mom said you have to take me to the bathrooms and I’m sick of waiting.”
Amy rubbed her eyes. They felt much better closed than they did open. “Aren’t you old enough to pee without someone holding your hand?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to have to deal with mom flipping out when I come back to camp without you. “ He folded his arms and smiled. “You should thank me. I’m saving you from getting chewed out too.”
“Thanks.” By now Amy had donned her flip flops, a robe, and her glasses. The restrooms were set up two camps over. All she had to do was step carefully and they’d make it with no problem.
Sam pushed the tent flap aside and Amy drew in her breath.
Earth still seemed so far away. Grey dust hovered from the motion of the tent flap but other than that everything was still. Amy’s hand went to her breathing collar instinctively. You could see how little air there was up here. The glasses even increased the clarity.
“Are you going to sit here goggling all day? I really got to go.”
Amy smiled at her brother. “I’ll beat you.”
“Whatev…” But Amy was already bouncing off. Sam tried to keep up but the ballet she had taken a year ago on earth had prepared her for the rythmn of the long steps unlike Sam’s track. The only thing her parents had done to prepare her for this place. The feel of almost weightlessness reminded her of the day before they had told them. She had finished first in a dance competition. Then that morning, the last time she had ever tasted fresh oranges and bacon, Dad told them that their family had been chosen to colonize. The moon soil came up beneath her like an unwanted shock of reality.
Sam had fallen, at least twice. He was covered in dust. Mom would be pissed. Amy laughed. “Oh well at least she wont be the only one.”
“Hey cute dog you got there.”
Amy turned around and saw an overly tall teen with white blond hair and dark green eyes. You wouldn’t think she’d notice his eye color that fast but when everyone you’ve seen for the last year has on visors you notice the eyes. Not to mention the way they seemed to glow in the unadulterated sun light. He smiled at her. She smiled back. She had heard of contacts that the scientists had been working on to replace the glasses, but she had expected them to be black or something. More freakiness to this freaky world. “Hi. I'm Amy.” He nodded. “I don’t think I’ve seen you in camp before.”
He shook his head. “Not in this one.” His smile grew a little more as he watched Sam stumble once more, the anger clearly increasing his clumsiness. “When I saw you running I thought perhaps I had seen you before, but I see you are one of them.”
“One of who?” Amy wondered if he might be older than he looked and was part of the science clan. “I’m from clan C.”
“Then you are one of them.” His face fell a little. “Well you are very elegant anyway. You would make a nice pet.” Amy stepped back awkwardly almost losing her balance. “Yes, come puppy.” He grabbed her arm gently. “I will not hurt you.” She felt herself relaxing. “There are too many dogs from earth. But you I will keep.” The world began to go black. “I will take you to home before we get rid of the rest.” His voice echoed as she fell.
Amy’s arm flung out with a jerk. She felt like she had just fallen a great distance.
The white sheets beneath her rustled as she turned over. She shook off the weird feeling the dream had left behind. You would think that winning a ballet contest would produce something happier. She could smell the bacon down stairs. She scrambled to throw on her robe. Then she heard her father’s voice.
“Hurry up kids. Your mother and I have something extremely important to tell you.”

Jan 21, 2010

Just randome photos I wanted to share...

Little mE already has her Daddy's number... lol We took Little Wiggly to see the Salt Lake temple because she was so excited to see pictures. It was so cold we spent most of our time inside the visitors center. Our sister-in-law took this picture for us. (Thank you :)

Starting the tradition of reading together early.

Here's little Wiggly enjoying her books and asking Mommy to read. (All our book shelves are made up of packing boxs... )

Little mE snuggled down into the sling same Sister-in-laaw made for us. (She's begining to like it more... espeshally if she's ready to pass out. :)

Blessing Day

It was my little one's special day. I spent a little over a month make the dress while I was pregnant with her. And we're so glad we didn't wait till the middle of March as she barly fits it now. Daddy loves his little girl.
Moomy and Daddy love their little girl.

Yrgysh's whole imdiate family was there.

We did it in the chaple at night and the kids where hard to rein in as they never get to run around the chaple normally.

Also our good friends from Logan were there.

I'm so glad our little mE has joined us!

Jan 20, 2010

Just something

Sweet and moist the air swept gently across the mountains. Wispy white clouds raced about as heavy dark billows lumbered methodically through the narrow passes.
We knew there would be a storm that night but to watch it make its’ way toward you was a new a disconcerting experience. The woodlands had been my home since birth. There you might hear a distant rumble shortly before the storm but mostly it came upon you with all the stealth of an eagle swooping down from the vast blue to capture the unsuspecting rabbit.
Here we sat, our first night in this vast barren waste and we could see the storm coming. Miles and miles away, it crawled and loomed ever nearer, like a snake seeking to mesmerize its’ pray by sheer admiration of its’ deadly coils.

Ten things that make me Happy...

As I was invited to do so I shall.

1: Looking at my daughters. Seriously just looking at them makes me happy.
2: Knowing someone I love is progressing in a happy direction. You have no idea how that makes me wantto sing and dance.
3: Roses.
4: Beauty. Anything that is pretty or beautiful... espeshally those that make my heart acke.
5: When my husband smiles or laughs. It's espeshally happy making if it's because of something I said or did.
6: Trees... oh how I miss them. Their voices so long quiet in my head. I love to hear the trees talk.
7: Some one who "gets it". Anytime I find that someone understands even a part of what I'm thinking and gets it is so wonderufl.
8: Dancing... singing. It can sound horrid and look unbalanced but singing and dancing are the only way to express it.
9:When the words fall together. To capture anything with symbols of black and white in a way that you can't help but see, smell, or feel it.
10: Those moments when the spirit whispers to my heart and mind and for that second everything makes sense and I know...
I made it! I think I needed that today.

Jan 8, 2010

Somedays Merrit Dumbo

Today was Yrysh's day off.
But it wasn't mine and he had to fill out a lot of paper work.
Poor Little T watched both of us working on our computers all day. She could have made it difficult...
But instead she was great. She even kept her panties dry except twice. She ate most of everything I put in front of her and not one fit all day. She even spent a whole hour playing tea with little mE.

So tonight she watched Dumbo... she's so easy on us...

Jan 4, 2010

The Last Great Adventure, thougts and realizations.

Death. What could be more natural? No one asks that immortal question “Why?” of birth. Yet no event is more prone to cause pain and suffering, no occasion is more dreaded, and besides birth nothing is more avoided and more control sought over. Yet, our control is only illusionary. In the end we are in no more control than we are of the wind. You do not overcome death or birth… you merely pass through them.

When I was young I remember crying one day. Crying at the thought of one of my family dyeing. I just knew it could not be. So, I volunteered to go instead because I knew that staying behind would be the hard part, then I could be the one to greet the others. Year after year passed and I didn’t die but a few distant relatives did. I never took their deaths badly because I saw it as a release from pain they had been suffering from. And I began to think death just didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. Still, I expected to die young.

Then I got married and I knew new fear. Would I die before he got to serve a mission? I know… it sounds funny but I feared that I wouldn’t get to go with him. Yet I prepared myself and him for me to die at a young age. I had volunteered and I had no desire to live without him, even if death didn’t bother me that much.

Then I watched my father die. Yet, I wasn’t there the day he passed. I can still remember packing after recieving the phone call that he had passed and doing math just to prove to myself I wasn’t supposed to be there. I remember exactly where I was and what I was reading on the drive there when I knew that the Lord could still raise him and he could be alive and well when I got back to the house. I remember walking into a shockingly empty room and realized that the body had already been taken. And I had never said goodbye. I never wanted to say goodbye. Oh the shock… no Dad sitting up healthy and eating those stupid peanut butter and jelly with grilled and buttered bread… no, just grief. And dispight the moments when I feel him near, I miss him.

Now I look at my daughters and for the first time I fear dyeing. I fear my husband’s death even more. How could they at such a young tender age go through the death of a parent. I am petrified of them dieing. But how could I stand to be on the other side of the vale and not be able to hold them and comfort them and… I need to live for them. I need him to live for us… for I could never provide what he can.

So here I am… having changed my mind. And yet still as vonerable as ever. Should it be me or should it be them… so natural and yet… though my father is not gone… I fear going through another death. Yet I cannot avoid it, for life is only a point between two places and both must be passed in order for any of this to make sense.
I used to laugh at the bad guys and the foolish plot lines where the goal is to live forever. “Don’t they know that the only way to live forever is to die?” But in the end I am as bad as they are. For the only reason they fear death is the same reason I do… we fear losing that which we love the most….
Perhapse I should love God more. Then the going will be as joyful as the coming,

Then I shall never lose what I love the most...
and like my fahter I will be able to bless those I love no matter what side of the veil I stand on.