I had so much fun with this first one.... Pay atention to the first letter of each line...
Intensely aware of every second
My head throbs with possibilities
Pacing back and forth
Asking again and again
There never seems to be an answer
Intended to satisfy
Even though the pleading grows
Nothing can calm the restless soul
Choking out life this anxiety
Eliminates all sanity
This one isn't right... I need help with it...
Away to tie it all together or help it make more sense...
I sit beneath the silken flow of water
Curled into a tiny ball
Feeling the heat carry the pain
Out of me and down the drain
Somehow the sting dulls my senses
Somehow the rhythm calms my soul
Till at last like a boat returning home
I alight upon sanities shores
4 comments:
I didn't get the 2nd one of all - read through it times.. could be because the boys are restless though... lol!
You need to uplift your thoughts. Sad poems are fine and stuff, but this is all you write! Start looking for simple positive things and write them down, then come back and as you ponder over them creative stories and poetry will come to mind. You are focusing on your loneliness, and anxiety. Remember that you want to uplift others with your writing as well! (Remember that conversation?)
HUGZ!
I like the acrostic. I usually don't like them that much, but this one works better then most.
what's with the word "sanity"? you could redeem the second one. Because it is about someone finding there way back from their sadness. and the last word should rhyme with home to keep your scheme accurate. How about rewriting the second half of the poem all together. The pain of the person is already gone at the end of the first line. So in the second one focus on the light and talk about opening up. As you were curled in a ball in the first one. Use your imagery to show the contrast. go for opposites. Love ya, christina
Well, I liked the last one a lot. It wasn't confusing for me. It was perfectly depressing. ^_^ And I can perfectly relate to it so I liked it, every bit of it.
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